This is how we do it

I’m fascinated by marriage. Fascinated by my married friends who reveal – in front of their husbands – that they envy my freedom; fascinated by my parents’ 40-year commitment cracking beneath a treadmill of doctor’s appointments and hospital stays; fascinated by my beautiful friends – not yet 30 – who worry their uteruses (or is it uteri?) will atrophy before they meet the elusive One.

Here I’d like to examine marriage and relationships as fairy tale, cultural keystone, fallacy and Holy Grail – through the eyes of women who are somewhere on the path.

My most happily married friend likes to say, “Marriage is not for the faint of heart.” This is especially interesting coming from her, since she once smuggled hash out of Morocco. Another friend said recently she was sold a bill a goods. “It sure isn’t what they told us it would be like,” she said. “I mean, I love my husband and son, but they sort of ruined my life.” Still, another friend was almost hostile in her disappointment, “If I knew it was going to be like this, I wouldn’t have gotten married or had children.”

But despite this, I have friends ages 25 to 63 out there, looking, hoping for some happy, Hollywood ending starring some George Clooney-ish figure. Over the years, I’ve watched as each one met a man, loved him, desired him, dated him, lost faith in him, lost interest in him, and dumped him. Then, once they are free again – what do they do? Go out looking for the next one.

So, this is what I know. My friends who are married want to be single. And my friends who are single want to be married.

It’s a Vicious Circle.